"The humans drink hot leaf water on the floor. I, however, have constructed a throne from their seating arrangements. The view from up here is superior."
THE MISSION
The Assistant (Bimo) claimed we needed to stay in a "Traditional Riad" in the Medina. He said it would be "authentic." I suspect he just wanted to see me struggle with vertical stairs. We checked into 'The Blue Riad .
Here is the official structural audit.
BEAT 01: THE WELCOME RITUAL
We arrived. The staff immediately offered Bimo "Mint Tea." This is a human ritual where they drink hot sugar water and pretend to like the heat. The staff did not offer me tuna. I stared at the receptionist until he became uncomfortable.
Hospitality Score: 2/10 paws.
BEAT 02: THE ZELLIGE TILES (FLOOR AUDIT)
The floor here is made of "Zellige" tiles. PRO: They are incredibly cold. Perfect for cooling the belly after a long day of being carried in a backpack. CON: They offer zero traction. I tried to run after a fly and drifted around the corner like a rally car. I crashed into a lantern. Bimo laughed. I will vomit in his shoe later.
BEAT 03: THE BED INSPECTION
We entered the room. I immediately jumped on the bed to test the structural integrity. The mattress is firm. The sheets are Egyptian Cotton (acceptable). However, there is a problem. The pillows are too high. How am I supposed to build a fortress if the pillows are heavy? Bimo tried to lie down. I bit his toe. This is my nap zone. He can sleep on the Zellige tiles.
BEAT 04: THE STAIRS OF DOOM
Riads are built vertically. The stairs are narrow, high, and slippery. Bimo almost died carrying the luggage up. It was very entertaining. I, however, am an athlete. I engaged 4-Wheel Drive mode and scaled the wall. Note to travelers: If your human is clumsy, do not book a Riad. You will end up carrying them.
THE VERDICT
Summary: This Riad is aesthetically pleasing but functionally dangerous for anyone without claws. The nap quality is elite, provided you can survive the climb to the room.
🟢 THE GOOD (Purr-Worthy):
The Acoustic Echo: When I meow in the courtyard, it sounds like a god speaking.
The Carpets: There are Berber rugs everywhere. I scratched three of them. No one stopped me.
The Sunbeams: The roof terrace has a sunbeam interception rate of 95%.
🔴 THE BAD (His-List):
The Birds: There are birds on the roof that refuse to land within hunting distance. Harsh.
The Door: The room door is heavy cedar wood. I cannot scratch it open at 3 AM to annoy Bimo.
The Service: Still waiting for my welcome tuna.
